Jul 6

Episode 5: Heaven – Do you really want to go there?

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Aside from dodging Hell, my primary reason for holding on to my faith was the promise of Heaven. Without the faith goggles on, Heaven looks a lot different. Have you ever stopped to think about what heaven would actually be like if it became a reality?

This exercise will help you imagine what heaven would be like from the perspective of a nonbeliever. It is much easier to think of heaven as a good thing if you don’t actually believe you will ever go there in reality.

* note on forced immortality: I don’t think all forms of immortality would be bad. It would be great if we could live as long as we wanted (thousands of years) through gene therapies and organ replacements – as long as we knew we could die eventually.

Transcript:
I used to dream about going to heaven. It sounded like the best place imaginable. Imagine God looking down at you and saying “Well done my good and faithful servant!”

When I lost my faith, I used to tell people that I wished Christianity were true because if it was, we could say a few prayers and spend an eternity in heavenly bliss.

It’s been almost 15 years since I lost my faith and believe I’ve developed a true outsiders point of view since then. Looking at heaven through that lens, now I realize that I would never want to go there or wish it on anyone.
Heaven would be unbearable torture for anyone. Let me help paint the picture of why.

Imagine that you finally made it. You are in heaven; paradise. Now you are trying to enjoy paradise but you have this nagging realization that most of your loved ones are burning alive and suffering unimaginable pain in hell. You can even hear them calling out to you for help – but there is nothing you can do for them. [Example: see Luke 16:22-25]

Perhaps you get over that after several hundred years and now life has no cycle of ups and downs. It’s just one big long up, no surprises and no downs. You remember when you were on earth and you used to enjoy the Casinos? Because you would win sometimes and you would lose sometimes, but the losses made the winnings so sweet that it was worth sticking it out at the tables? You sure miss having some the downs mixed in – and now your constant “Up” is starting to turn into one big downer.

But wait, what are you here for anyway? Oh that’s right. Your entire existence is dedicated to worshiping someone else. No matter how much you learn and how strong you become over then next Billion years, you will always be subservient to a father figure.

And now life is just one big never-ending church service. Oh how you used to dread going to church. You had to hang out with all those stuffy old Christians. Your annoying pastor, all the mega spiritual holier than thou’s in the front row. The bubbly cheery lady who annoyed the shit out of you. Yep, they are all there, but none of the good friends you used to like to hang out with – who would hit the club with you or drop an F bomb every once in a while back in the good old days on earth. But you have some new friends now. You finally get to meet the 32 YO virgin that you’ve been praying to all your life. If you ever hung out with a 32 YO virgin, you must not be thrilled about this one. But wait a minute! You are his bride? Oh boy. [matthew 25, John 3:29, Revelations 21]

Oh yeah, don’t forget that HE is there. Who? You know who – Yahweh! And he’s always going to be there. He’s the one you have to worship. The same asshole who created your loved ones knowing ahead of time that most of them will go to hell (which he created as well and sent them there).

You are starting to realize that this situation is not good when it suddenly hits you. You have to live here forever! No end in site ever. You lived almost 100 years on earth, and now you have to live another hundred years, and then another hundred years, and then another, and then another. Now you’ve been here for 400 years and you haven’t even scratched the surface. You have to keep going. Another thousand lifetimes will go by and you will still be here. A trillion, trillion, trillion years will go by and you will still be hanging out with Horrible Yahweh, the 32 year old virgin and a bunch of their followers for another trillion, trillion, trillion years to come. No Escape, Ever – not even death.

Lets come back to reality now. One day you will die and you will rest quite peacefully. Death is a beautiful thing. It adds meaning to everything you do in this life. Immortality would be the worst curse imaginable. Lucky for us – it isn’t real.